Bucketloads of hope

[sarah, raw community uk]

Its been a year since I last wrote and what an incredible year too. I felt unworthy to contribute to this growing site before now as I moved in and out of recovering from cooked foods, over eating, late night eating and bulimia to states of hopelessness through destructive eating.
Like a river that doesn't ease up once you dive in I've followed each and every bend to its conclusion and understand that simply not doing something that harms you is helpful, but embracing everything that uplifts you takes you to a whole new place of being.

I had a dream of a child like self who had matty hair and wore rags, being violent to some poor animals with no remorse for her actions in a display of anger and rage. It gave me a form to relate the destructive force with in me which seems to be shifting and untangling little by little. I'm beginning to welcome these insights in to my human nature, to incorporated all aspect of being human good and bad, to let go of the shore for the river to take me to the next bend, forever quickening as times are changing and something inside me wants to be fully concious, like a memory of being awake resurfacing in a dream.

I'm grateful beyond words to the eating disorders which continue to push me forward into higher realms of thinking, doing and eating as without them I'd certainly choose an easier life than this one and miss out on breath taking highs by avoiding the lows.

My discoveries over this year have been numerous but my main head spinning ones are - Its Ok to go to bed hungry! Yippee! A revolution in itself. What makes this a great experience is how gooooooooooooood you feel in the morning when your not hung over from snacks the night before.

Another experience has been an exploration of hunger itself. After being forced into juicing as a detox from binging ; ) I've gradually began to restock some badly depleted levels of vitamins, nutrients, minerals and metals. Even after eating mostly raw foods for 18 months, the build up of a life times toxins take more than a few smoothies to release. I feel intuitively that this build up has reduced my nutritional intake and my body has been jumping up and down since then in excitement at having an abundance of green and veg juices daily. The outcome has been LESS HUNGER!!!!! (Hunger can at times be the bodies call to top up on nutrients rather than the stomach needing filling)
I can go longer without eating and not feel shaky, more energy, positive and clearer thinking, less bloatedness from not being drawn to over or late night eating, a more relaxed body and a passion to juice absolutely anything green with lots of limes, lemons and apples.

The biggest blessing of now is connecting with you, with all who are openly expressing themselves on their journeys allowing us all to identify with them and be charged up with inspiration and hope, and the natural evolution process that happens by itself when we being to walk towards love, for ourselves and overs. Raw food nutrition is my personal catalyst, so it makes sense to me now that I've chosen to experience the depths of my psyche through the same form that is my release and freedom from a person I thought I was, to more than I can Imagen being, just as I am transformed beyond recognition from who I was before.

As the outer world can reflect our inner world, my new found gratitude has brought me more to be grateful for and since meeting the love of my life, I'm now happily preparing for our wedding blessing in October and looking forward to moving from the UK to Portugal where we have become caretakers of a little plot of lakeside land to live in a yurt together and grow our own food, happily enjoying a Raw food and green juice diet while having the tranquillity to blossom into our meditation practice. Everything I've ever wanted has come at once, it seems when I stopped prospering it through a delusion of not being worthy, ready yet or just unlucky! He He how funny we can be when we look back with a sense of humour!

Thank you so much to all who have kept this sub space on the wonderful GJF site alive, flourishing and radiating a message of hope to all those who seek one. Full power to all.